Why "Black shoes black belt; brown shoes brown belt" is bullshit

Yeah, I get it, don't wear a brown belt with black shoes. I wouldn't dare! Oh, no! But, just because you're wearing brown shoes doesn't meant you shouldn't wear a green belt. Or a white belt. Or a green and brown belt. or a yellow and blue belt. or an orange and brown and pink belt. You get the point.

But this whole BROWN AND BROWN ONLY mentality is just limiting and ridiculous. That's the problem with men's fashion in the typical layman sense: it's boring and limited, and most men don't like to branch out.

Give me that t shirt, jeans and a jacket please only! and only white socks! and tennis shoes! ONLY!

Please utilize color and pattern, you mother fuckers. Look dapper and interesting, not sloppy and forgettable.

Furthermore, I like wearing brown with just an accent of black somewhere on my person (or vice versa). I think it pops and looks sweet, but it has to be a light brown... and not necessarily pitch black, but more of a faded black (read: dark dark dark gray).

No pictures.

F I N I S

My favorite thing in fashion-land is when guys honestly try to "dress-up" but fail so miserably that I feel bad for the women they are trying to impress. It's not enough that they don't know that fit is essential in clothes, but that the clothes they are wearing are outdated and boorish. Seriously, it offends me to have to look at people trying to look nice for dinner or whatever.

Worst offenders:

Over-sized polos with no buttons buttoned so the collar lies flat and looks like wings sticking out of your neck.

Blue button-up shirts, untucked with a white crew neck underneath that is plainly visible, and even more, INTENTIONALLY visible.

Wearing bagging, sagging Khakis like they are dress pants...

That's all I have for right now.

I'll leave you with this picture of Don Cheadle:

It just looks sloppy...

I have noticed a growing trend among the guys on my campus. It is called the untucked front-button shirt with a tie. It looks fucking stupid and the people attempting to pull this look off just look lazy and sloppy. Not only that but the fact that they have no idea how to tie a tie just irks me, particularly when the back part of the tie is really short or is longer than the front, thicker part. Hey, I have an idea: how about in lieu of the tie just off yourself instead.

Or! If you want to leave your shit untucked, wear a goddamn sweater. How about that. Here is an example:

Just plain old sloppy. Idiots.

Much, much better. Oh and the sweater hides the wrinkles. Hooray for common sense!

Department Stores

I was in JC Penny (and GAP) the other day, and I only know one thing for sure: They need to hire someone to put together outfits for their mannequins. Not only that, but the fucking posters they have hanging around with people on them, NONE OF THEIR CLOTHES FIT. It is grade-A, 100% retarded—especially for a company whose job it is to clothe people; wouldn't they want people to dress correctly, and nicely.

Exhibits:
I know this shit isn't the best picture, but this hypothetical person needs a tailor to take in those boot cut khakis.
And that shirt? Hey, bro, let's go bro it up, bro.

"Hi, my sleeves go down to my elbow, even though a "big & tall" man I should be wearing more fitted clothes to take away from my overly large figure."

Also, that whole crew neck white shirt under a polo went out with President Clinton.

As for the GAP, as a place of moderate fashion sense (maybe not the employees, but the chain in general), But no. None of these stores place any value on the way pants should fit. It's always Regular, Slim, Bootcut, Slim Regular, Extra Regular, Slim Botcut Mediocre, and never Skinny, which is they way pants should fit, and I'm not talking about jeans here at all, I'm talking about khakis and dress pants. NONE OF THEM FIT CORRECTLY ANYWHERE. And this isn't a personal opinion, or "they way I like my pants" this is a "look at a god damn GQ or fashion show or anything like that and you'll realize men's pants are to be skinny" and I don't mean nut-hugging and skin-tight, just "skinny".

Exhibits:

Good, the shirt fits. While the colors are a little too Dwight Shrute for me they do work together. And the pants...

Noooooooo, they're bootcut! Outfit ruined. Fuck you GAP.

The rest of this collection of pictures comes from Penny's. Why on earth would anyone wear any of these parcels?





Yep. Those are retarded.

Goddammit

Sigh...

New Shoes and Thrift Stores... fuck all that

Sometimes I hate being 6' 4". Most of the time I don't. Also, I hate having a 12-13 shoe size. That is what I hate the most. My friends and I went to the thrift store up here in Mankato, MN while I was visiting. I got this sweet shirt:

I like plaid now.

Then, to my great disdain, I come across a sweet jacket. Leather, the lining on the inside is a map of Canada. How awesome is that? Awesome. It's a medium. Awesome! I think to myself. I put it on: sleeves are too short, by about 4 inches. Seriously? Fuck that noise. That's stupid. I show my friend Nate, pictured below, wearing said jacket, and he buys it. $15.

That jacket is awesome.

Yeah. The jacket rules. But you know what rules more? Those god damn shoes. I found them at the same fucking thrift store. Looked at them. Size fucking 11, or something similar. Way too small for me. Again, Nate, being the average (read: boring) sized person he is had, get this, the right shoe size. Awesome! I thought again in a much more sardonic, angry way. $5.

Fuck you.

Are you working out, or do you just love looking like a goon?

I think that there should be a ban on sweatpants outside of the gym and homes of America. Seriously, don't where them to school. And especially do not where gray ones with a gray hoodie. Jesus Christ. Are you serious?

No.

Dude, where's my pocket?

Don't you hate when your tailor friend takes forever and ever and ever and ever and on into infinity?

Okay...

Onto the real post:

I hope to GOD that no one ever ever ever ever—and on into infinity—wears these again:

Reserve your pocketless clothes for tights, not jeans.

These are the worst jeans ever. Not the high rise necessarily, but the lack of pockets.

Fuck you who ever first decided these look cool.

End.

Take it, Bitch...

So, I went shopping. A little. It was fucking rad.

Here's what I got:

1 - Black Cardigan (Kohl's)
2 - Front-button shirts (Gap)
12 - Pair of socks (Wal Mart)
2 - Pair of Boxer Briefs (Gap)
1 - Scarf (Gap)
1 - Driver's Hat (Gap)

All for somewhere in the range of $116.

Guess how much of needs to be tailored...

Not a single god damned thing. Not one. You believe that? I certainly wouldn't, but it's true. The shirts a re slim (yes, even the fucking sleeve's), and so is the Cardigan.

You don't need to shop at Neiman Marcus, Sarah Palin. You don't need to spend $150,000 in two months on clothes.

Fuck, bitch. Fuck, McSame campaign: you need to get your priorities straight.

Doesn't matter, you're not going to win on Tuesday.

When you do lose, will you come down to Carbondale and take me on a shopping spree? All I'm asking for is like... I don't know, $10,000. That's all I really need.

Of course, I could always get that GQ issue from a couple years ago: "All You Need For Under $4000."

Fuck you, GQ.
Fuck you, McSame.
Fuck you, Sarah Palin.

I'll stick to Gap, and Penny's and Macy's, and my $17 dollar shirts, and $7 dollar hats.

See?

$49.50 from Gap


$194.00 at Neiman Marcus

-out-

6 of 50 rules, and my response to them

So, I found this list. It's the "50 Rules to Being a Gentlemen." This really is indispensable information. All of it.

Anyway, the first 6 were on fsahion, and I really couldn't agree too much more. I do have my own comments on them, though.



50. A warm iron and a can of spray starch can do wonders. Invest in them even if you don’t wear slacks and button-ups regularly. I completely agree on this, I would also suggest investing in a handheld steamer, I pretty good one, not a cheapie. They're almost as good as irons, but a bit quicker.

49. “If you buy one pair of shoes and one suit per year, you’ll have a nice collection soon enough. It’s an investment. Also, know your measurements and sizes, because you might find a woman who wants to hook you up and get a suit made.”—Chris Mathis, 36, barber As far as this goes, I think investing in more than one pair of shoes each year is a better bet. I ususally get 2 or 3 pair per year, that way you don't wear one pair all the time and they last longer.

48. Wearing a fitted hat on your commute to work with your business suit or with just pants and a dress shirt isn’t a good look. This one is a little vague. Like suits, shirts, pants, and shoes, a hat should be fitted as well. It should be the right size. I suppose they are talking about sports hats, so I would stray from one of those all around, but if you are wearing a fedora or something of that nature, I would hope it would be fitted, otherwise you are fucked.

47. “Tone down the bagginess a bit without wandering into nut-hugger territory. Showing your ass and boxers is not appealing in any setting.”—Anslem Samuel, 31, magazine editor Yes! tone down the bagginess. You're pants don't have to be nut-huggers, but they would be at least straight leg, if not skinny. And buy waist sizes that fit, you don't want those love handles sticking out.

46. Find a good tailor. Self-explanatory. Whether it is a professional, that is, someone who works in a dry-cleaner or furrier, or if it is someone you trust with your clothes whole-heartedly, get a tailor. Body shapes are different and clothes shapes are different; you will rarely find an article of clothing that fits perfectly. Almost everything should be tailored.

45. T-shirts should fall just below your waist, and the seam of the shoulder should be right on your shoulder. I'm not so sure about this one. Technically your waist is pretty high up and pants tend to sit on the hips more, well, jeans do, at least. I think a better rule is that it should fall just below, or even just at your belt-line. This also refers to rule 47, though. You should Baggin' Saggin' Barry, either.

All That! reference anyone?

Those are just my thoughts on these rules, but you definitely should check out the rest of the rules... seriously, they're indispensable.

Cordovans, bitch.